Veterans Match Report Fri 11^th February

Torquay Vets 27 – 17 Portsmouth Vets

Subject: TOUR REPORT - TORQUAY 2008 or ZIGGY STARDUST REVISITED!

All

‘Ziggy played guitar, jamming good with Weird and Gilly and the Spiders from Mars’ These were the words that echoed through the streets when your humble author was last in Torquay! The year was 1973 and the occasion was a David Bowie gig on his Ziggy Stardust Farewell Tour! How much would have the town changed in the intervening years? Would they remember me? This is what needed to be resolved during the Portsmouth Vets Devon tour of April 2008!

After organising some of the most enjoyable tours in recent years, Messrs Cameron and Hurrell had decided to hang up their credit cards and stress balls and let some other mug take up the cudgel! This year it was Jon Whitehouse of Viking Tours who did the honours and a three night extravaganza was arranged in the heart of the English Riveriera, Torquay!

The touring party would number 25 players, 18 of whom were scheduled to meet at The Phoenix pub on Thursday afternoon, while the remainder made their way west on the Friday. What a splendid sight we must have looked decked out in our gaily coloured pink tour shirts, shorts and Crocs, sitting outside the pub and taking in the sun! Haggis even more so as he sported an arm in plaster and looked as if he was about to punch anyone who walked by!

After several libations and photos were taken and our coach driver Barry announced it was time to board and set off in search of the setting sun! We departed from Portsmouth at 5.25pm and enjoyed an alcoholic, but event-free trip down to Torquay. After much carousing, we arrived at our hotel, the Anstey Lea on Baddacombe Road at 9.30pm and checked in. I had the honour of sharing a room with Gentleman Geoff who graciously granted me the privilege of serving as his butler for the weekend. What an honour!!  He even allowed me sleep in the same room rather than in the bath! Such class, such style!

Once we had thrown our clothes into the wardrobe, we all as a tour party, congregated in the resident’s lounge and embarked on a marathon game of Ping-Pong and Buzz, ably conducted by our beloved leader, Mike Caspall. How much wine was consumed is a conundrum as just about everyone couldn’t remember retiring to their bed chambers! The next morning over breakfast, The Viking recalled that he had felt cold during the night but was suitably warmed up when his roomy, Happy Highgate, unselfishly emptied the contents of his stomach all over him; now that’s what I call a good friend!  After breakfast we decided to explore the town and so ambled down the hill to the Wetherspoons Bar where refreshing Pimms and fruit Archer cocktails were served at 1030am!! Bungle, for the second tour in a row was suffering horribly the effects of the night before which cheered us up no end as did the news that Dave Talt had paid £5 for the privilege of retreating to his bed for the rest of the day! Poor Ken Reilly looked totally lost without his right-hand man!

Suitably refreshed, most of us trekked through the town to the municipal Pitch and Putt course for one of the most competitive golf tournaments of all time! Teams were sorted and the fellows lucky enough to enjoy my company were Steve Cameron, Andy Lewis and Jonah Jones. The battle however, was not most keenly contested between the four of us as Andy had spotted that Simon Newsham was looking in good form in the team behind and posed a threat! Andy was good, Jonah not bad and Steve and I, well enough said but suffice it to say that a one-armed Haggis with commendable eye-to-ball co-ordination, beat us comfortably. An hour or so, of good fun was idled away looking for lost balls or ducking incoming errant shots. At the end of the tournament, the points were counted and Simon was duly crowned the winner, much to Andy’s chagrin! What to do? Have another beer of course, so we made our way back to the marina and sat out on the piazza in the warming sun. Cider was the drink of the moment and we were joined by The Viking, Happy and Foody who had only managed to struggle to the pub next door rather than the golf course!

Soon, we were joined by Bruce Collins, Mitch Tett and an unexpected reveller for one night only, Johnnie Garrett, who all travelled down that morning to play in the one match we had arranged for that evening. Not only was this Brucie’s first tour as a Vet, it was Jonah’s! After more beers and a leisurely stroll back up the hill, we arrived at the hotel in time to witness the arrival of the Godkin brothers and Bernie Mallinder and prepare for the match ahead. We boarded the coach at 5pm and in total silence made our way down the hill once again and across the seafront to Torquay Athletics’ Recreation Ground. The home side were unsure as to what sort of squad we would bring so had invited along a squad of 30 mostly pre-pubescent players! The Recreation Ground is set in some prime real estate a short distance from the beach and just below the local railway station. The pitch was not too long but wide enough to suck the lungs out of our back rowers! The ground was hard and dusty and a hard fought battle was anticipated! We welcomed back for their first full matches of the season, Foody to the No 2 shirt and Johnnie Garrett to the loose head role. Mitch Tett made up the front row and the engine room comprised of Roger Highgate and Jonah Jones, while Geoff Bullard, Kieran Godkin and Bungle Bailey made up the back row. Outside, skipper Mike Caspall took the scrum half shirt, Cameron and Collins the centre berths while Sean Godkin wore the No 15 shirt and the wings comprised of two 50 year olds, Mallinder and White. White sportingly acceded to Bernie’s request and played on the right wing. This proved to be a good call as for the first half he was closest to the now swelling ranks of spectators and could therefore sign more autographs!

The tension in the changing room was palpable when our two most senior players, Roger Sellers and Dave Knight, were overheard in deep conversation discussing the merits of qualifying for the Winter Fuel Allowance, free bus passes and the imminent right to a free TV license!

The match itself proved to be a hard fought affair with the Portsmouth pack slowly gaining ascendancy over the hosts while the Torquay back line contained some strong runners. The first try was scored by one such player who charged down the middle to score under the posts. Portsmouth had to score next and quickly and all heads turned to the right for inspiration from the only man who could rescue the situation, Chalky White! By now, we had lost Steve Cameron to a recurrence of his calf injury and being short of replacements, we had to borrow a young child from the Torquay ranks! When he realised that he had The Great White playing outside him, he almost fell to pieces at the thought of being in the presence of one of the all-time greats. He managed to collect himself and from a quickly won scrum he took a pass, neatly dabbed the ball through a gap and took the ball on the bounce. With the instinct and speed of a prowling Cheetah, White came in off his wing called for the ball and when received dragged 6 opposition forwards over the line to score the try of the match. Unfortunatly, Sean Godkin couldn’t convert the extra points.

The crowd, now numbering thousands went in to raptures, invaded the pitch and carried White shoulder high back to half way line. Babies were held up for him to kiss and the Mayor extended to him the Freedom of the City! But White’s glory moments were not over!! Stung in to action, the Torquay backs ran the ball hard and true down the middle and sent a pass to the blindside where one of their strongest players only had to catch the ball and touch it down. White of course, had other ideas and launched himself at the enemy. The sheer impact of his tackle shook the enemy to the core and as he crashed over the line, White with super human strength turned him in mid air and both fell to the ground. Despite winning the West Country’s Strongest Man title the week before, there was no way he could break the vice-like grip that White held him and he just couldn’t touch down - no score! After the game, one of Torquay’s oldest players was heard to say that was the finest tackle ever seen on the Rec in over 100 years!

As the game wore on, the dominance of the Portsmouth pack gave their back line the possession they craved! Bruce Collins had limped off by now to be replaced by another Torquay teenager who scored a finely contrived try with the venerable assistance of Bernie out on the left wing. Bernie then had another chance to take us 2 scores clear with a scorching 50 yard run which saw him being caught and hauled down by a Torquay prop!  The second half was interminable out on the wing but the Portsmouth pack were now in total control of both the tight and loose. John Garrett, heroics completed, limped off to be replaced by The Viking who locked the scrum with Roger while Jonah moved up to the front row. Torquay had drawn level just before half time but from the kick off ran back a try immediately to take the lead! The stranglehold exerted by the forwards made for a 10-man game but was rewarded when from yet another driving maul, my liege and master, Geoff Bullard crashed over for Portsmouth’s third try. Geoff wasn’t overcome with joy at this rare occurrence as he scratched his monocle as he dived over the line! The referee, who had been fond of his own voice and blowing the whistle, did all he could to deny the visitors a winning try but when the home side broke away for what was to prove to be the winning try, he blew for no-side and the hosts had won 25-17. A hard well contested match on a hard and crusty pitch which took it’s toll on all the players who were scratched and scraped all over, especially Foody who had had the misfortune to be at the bottom of a collapsed scrum only to be dragged over the ground face first. It should also be noted that the Portsmouth players who scored tries were over 50 years old, shared the same room and were back row players!

Torquay Tic’s were fine hosts and provided free beer and food for all tourists and shirts, ties and plaques were exchanged along with the usual pleasantries. Surprisingly, they chose Mike Caspall as our best player much to the annoyance of Sean Godkin who actually wore the ’Best Player’ shirt. We then taxied in pouring rain back to The Clock Tower pub in the town centre before taking over a pub/club for the rest of the evening. Another late night ensued but all were up bright and early for breakfast on Saturday morning as the next event on the calendar was a refreshing dip in the sea at 1030am. Over breakfast, M&M served up a nice cocktail of vodka and tequila and once we had made our adieus to Mitch, Bruce and Johnnie who had to leave for home early, we boarded the coach for a trip to the seaside! The day had dawned bright but very breezy and a dip in Torbay was not probably high on any one’s ‘must do’ list for the day as we tentatively changed in to our swimming gear. Foody, of course had to be different and sported a diamante thong much to the horror of the assembled crowd!  On M&M’s call we all dashed into the sea and dived in to the advancing surf. It was cold, very, very cold and just as everyone had ran out and grabbed their towels, M&M decided we had to do it one more time!!  Fair play to Dick Tyrrell, Colin Bretherton, Roger Nicholls, Dave Knight, Roger Sellers and even Haggis who despite old age or infirmity were not spared the ordeal!  Only Ken Reilly, suffering from gout was allowed to stay dry.

After a quick change, we repaired to the same bar as the previous afternoon but with rain now threatening, we all sat inside and had another mammoth session of Buzz and Ping Pong. Roger Nicholls and Colin Bretherton were not the sharpest blades in the tool box that morning but at least they fared better than Simon Newsham and Sean Godkin! A sneaky Kieran Godkin (probably jealous because he couldn’t share a room with White!) snitched on White, Bullard and Newsham accusing one of them of not downing our lovely breakfast cocktail and Judge Reilly promptly held a court session where the defendants were heinously pilloried by the assembled jury. Found guilty (surprise, surprise) a ‘concoction de maison’ of Pernod, Baileys and peanuts was the punishment endured by The Tolpuddle Martyrs’ but revenge is a dish best served sweet as The Judge turned on the Judas Godkin and ordered him to suffer the same fate!

We had been invited back to Torquay Tic’s clubhouse to watch the rugby that afternoon but instead having been approached by the owner, we made our way across the harbour to The Yacht, a sports bar overlooking the marina. The bar was occupied by some Osprey fans who kept heckling and blowing a whistle throughout the match. The result went the Welsh way and we were made to suffer! A nice ice-cream on the way back to the hotel and a hot shower set us up nicely for our last evening on the town.

Sunday, the day of departarture dawned and after breakfast we said goodbye to Colin Bretherton, the Godkin’s and Bernie and then boarded our bus for the journey home. We stopped for lunch at the Greyhound Inn a quiet, thatched roofed pub located just outside Honiton,  for a delicious carvery but what the locals must have thought when 19 pink clad and hung over rugby players invaded their quiet Sunday afternoon sojourn to the country is anyone’s guess! The toilets were well and truly hammered in the couple of hours we were there and we reluctantly boarded the coach for the last time to make our way back to Portsmouth via Stonehenge and Salisbury. A big thank you should be extended to Roger Nicholls who kindly supplied some beer at least 3 years beyond its sell-by date! The tour was effectively ended when Chalky White alighted at Fareham.

There’s no doubt the weekend was a rip-roaring success! With lower numbers than usual, we all kept together most of the time and had some good fun. We could and perhaps should have won the match but hey-ho you can’t have everything! Torquay had changed beyond all comprehension since my last visit but 35 years ago, everything was in black and white anyway! A big thank you to Jon Whitehouse for all his efforts on arranging a successful virgin tour and I think I speak for all when I say that Viking Tours can carry on in the same vein for the next 10 years!!

Chalks